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| Ehhh nothing much. Just school and pretty much busy with a lot of up coming project. I guess everyone is busy. Maybe I'll give more detail next time.
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| I guess the best thing about my major is that I get a lot of support from my teachers. I guess the only reason for that is that every moment I tell myself that maybe I'm not good enough, maybe I should give up. Some how a I have a gut feeling that I'm doing the right thing by staying. I dont wanna quit because the teachers see something in me that I wanna see too. I fell that maybe I'm not good, still more things to learn, and the skill that I need. So little time can I learn it all? Can I ever finish, sometimes when it come to close I just wanna scream, but in the end I realize that I'm doin fine. I guess I'm lucky if there was no one to tell me that I'm doin good and I can improve, I dunno where I'll be. I guess there is a fear that I wont make it and be a disappointment. Really I'm trying my best most of the time. Just a lilo scared of what is a head of my future.
I guess when I'm just by myself I realize how weird I am. Like Linda said so Martha Stewart-ish. I laugh I guess I have a passion for making things, starting on arts and crafts. It's fun, and sumtimes I think that I would make a great teacher in arts or teaching children. I think this is my back up plan if anything goes wrong. I am willing to go back to school and become a teacher. LOL! That is so funny.
Maybe if I become an interior designer I might just wanna go back to school and become an architect. It sounds so awesome and I think I will do fine if I'm doing good in Interior design. Yeah I know that both are different but they have similar qualities. Never know? I guess for me I always wanna add to my future so that I just wont be a bum and have nothing to hold on to. I just want a career that I can do. I dont wanna be a nobody with nothing in my background. I guess it's a pride thing being an Asian girl. I guess, I wanna prove that I dont wanna be supported by a minimum wage job, but I want better because I earned it. You know, started of poor and has a fairy tale ending. Sounds like a lot of work but I'm just gonna keep on going.
DoNt WaNnA sToP!
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| Well lets see what happen so far yesterday went to get a haircut, its okay but I bet it will look good once it grows out a lilo more. Got Lila more stuff and lately I've been meaning to do something that I've wanted for a while every since but never had the chance to get it, but now I have. Believe me its not selfish or anything but it has a good meaning for life, to move on for the future and gives a good homely vibe. Believe me most times I like to be a lilo selfish cuz as a kid never gotten many things that I wanted so I make up for it by spending (I budget like crazy on myself) and not show any gratitude but at heart I mean the best even if I dont show it.
Kim is so funny she gave me a call to ask me to do a big favor. LOL! She said that she need help on a castle project. I was like okay, since I wasn't doing anything anyways. When I finally get to do some researching on the computer looking for castle images, I got to ask some question and later on I found out that she was doing the project just for fun. And here I thought that she was doing it for school. It was okay since she wanted to fulfill some of her childhood dreams (I had some myself so I know) it was fun though I guess. Man I was trick into thinking it was something else. I guess the saying goes that you shouldn't assume so much.
Today is good got to go with Michael to Storey and Lila was there too, I guess nothing beats bonding with family but usually they busy. Its really fun I just always like the good old days when my dad would do these family trips to places to do things. Day was hot and went home. LOL! I taught Michael how to open the gate, and now he knows how to open it. Took him three tries to get it right. Then later on in the day Linda, Michael, and me played game for a lilo while was fun. Nice feeling like a kid again. Video games relieves you from the other realities in life so you wont think about it. School start fun ends and reality bites back.
MoRe rEaDiNg (FoR HoMeWoRk)
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| Hmmmmmm my birthday is tomorrow and I'm not much happy today, Dont know what I wanna do. I betcha gonna be a boring birthday. Its all good, I guess I dont wanna do anything for my birthday, 21 is just another number it's not that important. Gosh dunno know what I ate yesterday, huy its making my stomach upset. Well yeah a good thing to cheer me up is chinese movies. LOL! I guess I always have a soft side.
>>>>>>>>> (0_0) <<<<<<<<<
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| Family is suppose to help but yeah yet again turning 21, betcha not gonna get any support. Like hey your doing a good job. Older now, not gonna get a license cuz there is no support and no trust. I hate the fact that even though I know that I wanna ask for help I know that I get the same lame ass answer oh to tired and why wont you ask this person of that person. Pushing me back and forth and still doesn't help me get anywhere. Its all cuz of a stupid comparison. Like oh you gonna drive just like "HIM." SO what if I get a drivers license no on is gonna at least give me a chance to get into a car and drive. No insurance, no driving cuz one person messed it up, like I'm gonna flip ya car or sumthing. Do you like to hear I'm a failure. Yes then cuz i so sick and tired of all this comparison.
Hah! schedule an appointment to do the drivers test...? What is so wrong using that full year to get comfortable with driving then take the test. So lame cuz no one wants to teach for that long and why bother asking, they make it seem like I'm ruining there lives cuz I'm always nagging for them to do things for them. Sure, then they start talking about my failure and do a comparison. Enough already, a yes or no question do you wanna teach me or not. Basically if ya still nagging about the decisions I make then yep there is no trust & ya dont wanna teach me.
No one to help get me started. No trust cuz I "have" another life in my hands to kill another person. OoOoOo tell me sumthing I dont knoe. Make it sound like it's the end of the world. I just ask for a couple of lesson through the year & its gets complicated cuz ya talking about the wrong stuff I'm doing, can you just shut up and trust me. 2 years no training yep thats why I never gotten my license. I guess in this family if ya not arguing to win you'll never survive w/o a good rep. I really dont care so enough with the comparison, and tell me something that I dont know. I'm just asking for a lesson why the long lecture?
dRiViNg
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